Sorry about the formatting error.

Title: Flash Harry
Author: DrMckay
Rating: M
Genre: Drama/Humour
DLP Category: The Alternates
Pairing: ?
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,175
Updated: February 18, 2009
Published: December 27, 2008
Status: Abandoned
Summary:
Harry Potter is taken from Privet Drive at a young age by a mysterious older relative. A man named Harry Paget Flashman. How will this change in upbringing shape the boy and his world?

You do not need to have read the Flashman series to understand this.

Link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4747377/1/Flash_Harry


As I don't yet have a beta for this, I am in the process of re-editing the story myself, and posting it in this section for review. However there may be a few small errors, as I can only read the same words so many times.

The reason I'm posting it here as well as in the work by author seciton, is because I need some help and input you folks can offer, from a technical as well as a plot/opinion side. it would be greatly appreciated.

Don't worry about being nice, either.

Thank you.


Checked by Minion, January 5, 2013

 

Mate,buddy...You've posted in the wrong area. I believe what you were looking for would be this.

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/forumdisplay.php?f=11

My advice. Lurk Moar.

In regards to your story. I didn't notice any glaring faults in spelling and what-not. However, what little there is of it didn't really hold my interest, it doesn't really have any kind of hook.

 

Mild humor, fair writing style, and one of the greatest British Anti heroes since Blackadder, I think it is a win and should be added to the library if it is finished.
For now 4/5 and hopes for more chapters.

Your mileage may vary.

 

The Flashman series was started in the 1960s. Flash Harry has promise and uses a conceit used before but not often enough for it to be a cliche-- the slowly aging non-HP character-- perhaps most notably by DrT in Harry Potter and the Old Believers (DrT's best work) and Rorschach's Blot in Old Soldiers Never Die.

At the moment, I'll refrain from rating since there's not yet enough published.

 

Um... FF.net Dr.T? Cause he has a big Zero for posted stories. Or has he posted elsewhere?

Edit: and chapters 2&3 are pretty much Identical

 

Thanks for spotting that. I was doing some editing and accidentally put the same chapter in twice.

Who is Dr. T? where would I find his stuff?


I got my start in writing fanfic on Stardestroyer.net under the title DrMckay.

I'm polishing and writing the next chapter, but it's going to be rather long and in-depth as it covers several years of Harry's life.

Any suggestions on giving him some decent skills without seeming too mary-sueish? I have some ideas regarding training Flashman was schooled as a Victorian Gentleman-(Swordplay, classics knowledge, etiquette, etc, and can be thuggish as well.

I am also working on a Star Wars/nuBSG crossover and switching back and forth so I don't get burned out on either story-added to that, I also have university coursework.

It'll be a while, but I am working on it.

 

Eh, nothing great. Writing isn't bad but it lacks a punch. Chapters are very short, as well. Not really a lot to go on here.

As for DrT, his work can be found at Ficwad here: http://www.ficwad.com/author/12076 and at Fictionalley here: http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/drt/. The specific story mentioned is only available at FictionAlley, in their Dark Arts section.

 

Thank you for the review and thoughts.


Actually, you've hit pretty close to the mark as far as the training and skills I've plotted so far.
He will be learning how to behave in "society," how to
manipulate people to his own advantage, and gain many skills of a young Victorian Gentleman. (Probably not Classical languages though, as Flashman hated them.)

Swordplay will be among them, though Flashy will be more concerned with teaching him to survive by avoiding the fight, or stabbing someone in the back, as well as studying human nature.

Oddly enough, I also considered translating the dueling mentality over to wands as well.

As far as Harry attempting to look pathetic and being conniving, He is seven years old in a horrible situation, and has not been completely bowed by pressure at the Dursleys yet. He has still attempted to retain a sense of self.

I am also attempting to tie the story into the Flashman books, and there will be several references to some of the books in the series. Already mentioned are sevral events from "Flashman" and Mr. American.

 

As it's Flashman, there should definitely be lessons in cricket and, well, horsemanship is a bit outdated so maybe driving/flying? Also surviving-your-tennage-years; Flashy seems to have actually thought about this whilst at Rugby, and would probably like to pass on his insights. I really, really want to see Flashman's parting advice to Harry when he turns 11.
Conversely, I wonder what effect the 20th century has had on Flashman's weaknesses? He expects to have the entree into society, being an English gentleman, which as a wizard he really doesn't - how's he going to react to that? He may not have liked Victorian polite society, but he was disliking it from within, and tended to be accepted pretty much anywhere. Also he tends to underestimate how much harm his social inferiors can do him if he upsets them. I'd be interested to see how you manage to carry off making an unashamed elitist likeable in the modern world.

 

LOL. Oxymoron?

 

Aside from the Quatermain immortality thing I enjoyed it. I do see the need for that though as Flashman should be dead and gone by 1990 or whatever it is. Don't forget to sneak a Tom Brown into the fic at some point and I'll be happier still.

The writing is good, you capture Flashman's style quite well and I'm interested to see how involved Flashman will be at Hogwarts or if this is merely a changed upbringing resulting in a changed HP leading to a different series of events.

4/5 at the present time, not going to rate until there are more than 4 chapters as yours are quite short.

 

DrT's early works (first 2-3 I think, with the occasional short one shot since then-- my personal fave of the very short one shots is 'Amsterdam') are very good. 'Old Believers' was the first story he posted on Fiction Alley, and I consider it the best one he's done; however, it wouldn't pass muster if nominated for inclusion in the library since the story's ship is Harry/Ginny.

DrT's latter works do pale in comparison to his earlier works. The recent stories are, at best, guilty pleasure reads.

 

Dislike this story a fair amount. The "talking to the reader" style of narration annoys me, and all the "jaunty" dialogue pisses me off.

2/5